kathulhu fhtagn!

I was in Xander's bedroom, to straighten up, when I found a dead worm on the bookshelf.  I asked him, "Xander, why is there a dead worm on the bookshelf?"  His response was, "The cat brought it in and I wanted to keep it as a pet.  His name is Stretchy."  

I think the boys are creating miniature alchemical labs in their bedrooms.  They have rocks, feathers, dead bugs, bits of crayons, jars with sticks in them, pages and pages of mystical drawings that only they can interpret, and things growing under their bed.  They build things out of legos that they weren't meant for and experiment on their stuffed animals.

When we were outside the other day, we found a dead bird in the driveway.  Xander immediately picked it up and wanted to keep it in one of the jars in his room.  I said, "No way!"  I can only imagine the strange rituals he would've performed with that bird. 

Currently, they are trying to "exterminate" on daddy with a whoopie cushion that they have torn up and band-aids.

Nothing makes one long for their youth than the birth of a child.  My friend Mandy just gave birth to a little girl on Oct. 26th.  Poet Scout weight 7 lbs 1.8 oz and she is 18 inches long.  I have yet to meet this little miracle but I’m sure she is as beautiful as her momma.

I remember when I first met Mandy, we were both working at Meijer.  We were introduced by a mutual “friend” named Melody.  Melody wasn’t in the picture for very long because she quit Meijer but Mandy and I stayed friends for a very long time.  I was 17 years old and a senior in high school. 

If someone was to have said that both she and I would have children one day, I would’ve laughed in their faces.  I hated kids and Mandy didn’t seem the maternal type, either.  We used to hang out in Broad Ripple and heckle the drunk frat boys.  We tried to dye our hair green and it turned out grey.  We used to wear crazy clothes and dreamed about moving to Chicago.  One time, we decided to paint our shoes(?).

I thought that she and I would be best friends forever but people have a way of growing apart.  I wasn’t a very nice person when I was younger and I wasn’t a very supportive friend to Mandy.  I let her down when she really needed me.  She basically told me to fuck off and I deserved it. 

I decided to track her down when Charlie died and I found her.  It still it took us a while to reconnect.  She thought I was mad because she didn’t return my calls after Charlie passed and I thought she was still mad because I was such a bitch to her when she needed me.  It turns out that we were both very much in need of one another again.

I still don’t get to see Mandy as much as I would like to.  I probably haven’t been as available as I could’ve been but it’s easy to make excuses when you have kids.  I really miss the friendship that Mandy and I had when we were younger.  I miss going to the Indy Art Museum and going to The Abbey for coffee and lusting after the cute gay boys.  She was like a sister.

And now we both have babies.  I know she is going to make a very awesome mom.  I also know she is going to have to face some tough decisions in her future.  I wish we lived closer to one another because I think she’ll really need the support of all of her friends.  I just hope she hasn’t quit dreaming of Chicago or of becoming a photographer. 

A friend of mine posted a blog about his thoughts on the President’s speech and some schools’ decisions to not show children his speech.

This was my comment to his blog:

I think it was awesome that the President wanted to address the kids and to tell them to take their education into their own hands.  I think it would've meant a lot to the kids to have the President address them directly.  And maybe it would've opened them up to a whole new world if after they saw the speech, the teachers could've discussed openly why some people saw this as a bad move and why other's valued it.  Teach the kids to see both sides of an issue before you draw uninformed conclusions.

In fact, I think the school should've given the parents the option of whether their child got to see the speech or not.  They could've sent home a permission slip and those who didn't want their kids to see it could've opted to keep them in class while the other kids got to go watch the speech.  Isn't that what democracy is all about?  Letting us choose instead of forcing their own beliefs on us.

I may not agree with everything Obama wants to put into policy but I think that Americans in general and politicians in particular are throwing away very special opportunity to do something great for our country by all this hateful, uninformed, fear mongering and rumor spreading.

/rant

Make your own Countdown Clocks

Natasha, one of the bloggers that I regularly read has set a challenge for herself.  Between 8/18/09 and 8/17/10 she wants to read 365 books but she needs some help.

What book(s) made you cry? The only time a book has made me cry was when I read my very first fantasy book, The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks.  I was very young, 8 or 9, and I cried because I had become very attached to the characters and the book was over.  Yeah, my mom probably should’ve put me in therapy then.  The

Geek Love by Katherine Dunn and The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger had me choked up a few times but I never actually cried.

What book(s) made you laugh until you were in tears? Good Omens by Terry Prachett & Neil Gaiman was a very funny book.  I loved every minute of it.  In fact, most of Prachett’s stuff is very humorous.  Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith was also very funny to me because Grahame-Smith adapted the original story by Jane Austen to include zombies.  The Dexter series by Jeff Lindsay is also darkly humorous. 

What book(s) made you feel like you could conquer the world? I’ve had ambitions to be the supreme dictator of the entire world since before I could walk so I wouldn’t say any single book has ever made me feel like that.

What book(s) have you read three times or more? The Chronicles Trilogy by Weis & Hickman, The Legends Trilogy by Weis & Hickman, The Shannara series by Terry Brooks, The Belgariad series by David Eddings, The Hobbit by Tolkein, The Riftwar Saga by Raymond Feist.

What book(s) kept you up all night reading? All of the books listed in the previous question, Jim Butcher’s the Dresden Files, Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake series, The Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris, Wicked & Son Of A Witch by Gregory Macguire, Tad Williams’ Memory, Sorrow, & Thorn series, The Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin, anything by R.A. Salvatore, the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling, World War Z by Max Brooks.

What book(s) do you want to read again? The Unlikely Ones by Mary Brown & Faerie Tale by Raymond Feist.  These were also some of the first fantasy books that I had ever read.  Both of these books were my mom’s and I was only 8 or 9 when I read them.  She actually gave me both books a while back and I haven’t had a chance to re-read them. 

Any other recommendations? Henry James’ Midnight Song by Carol de Chellis Hill, Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins; Immortality, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Book of Laughter & Forgetting, and The Joke by Milan Kundera; The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant by Stephen Donaldson, The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, Necroscope by Brian Lumley, Dune by Frank Herbert, Anne Mccaffrey’s Pern series.

I’m going through one of those phases where nothing makes me happy.  I was in such a foul mood on Sunday that I thought Aaron and the boys would kick me out of the house.  Or lock me in a closet.  Something unpleasant.

Aaron has made us breakfast the past two mornings and he’s helped out a lot more with the kids when he gets home.  He even made all of the beds for me last night since I had washed all of our sheets.  The sheets are usually the last thing I wash and by the time I get done cleaning the house, etc. making the bed is the last thing I want to do.

But still…

I’m sick of:
*this blog
*all of my clothes
*the house never staying clean
*reading the same kind of books
*the big deal made about Sotomayor saying "wise Latina woman" on the TV every 30 seconds
*the hot, humid weather
*never having enough money
*not getting to spend enough alone time with Aaron
*being fat
*playing the same types of D&D characters
*of the boys' not listening to me
*living so far away from my friends and family
*getting a hangover every time I drink
*hearing about Michael Jackson
*feeling like crap

I think it’s SAD, but with the depression** hitting in the summer because I’M READY FOR IT TO BE FALL!!!  And the stupid Indiana weather hasn’t helped because we had some really beautiful, fall-like days the past couple of weeks and now it’s getting hot and sticky again.  urgh.

**although, let’s be honest.  I’m depressed all of the time with some days being better than others.  This just isn’t one of those good periods.

If I had more money, I’d redecorate.  And buy new clothes.

I’ve decided that I am no longer going to make the boys clean their rooms.  I get so tired of them making huge messes in the rooms and then whining when I tell them to clean up.  It’s always the same.  “It’s a big mess!” “I need help!” “I’m tired!”  And then I end up doing the majority of the cleaning and they sit on the floor and play. 

When I was little, my mom told me that if didn’t start keeping my room clean, she would keep my bedroom door shut.  I was around 8 or 9 at the time and terrified of the dark.  She said from that point on, I kept my room spotless.  I was hoping the same trick would work on the boys. 

I told them yesterday that they didn’t have to clean their rooms but they had to keep their bedroom doors shut.  They both have to have a nightlight at bedtime and they’re constantly begging to have the bathroom light on, too.  I figured that shutting the bedroom doors would terrify them.

Nope.

This morning, they woke up before I did.  In the brief period that they were up without supervision, Naner had moved the cat’s food and water into Sasquatch’s room, there was a procession of cars and Transformers going from the hallway into the living room, there was a box of cheerios half spilled on the dining room table, and they had moved the foot stool into the middle of the living room and were leaping from it onto the couch.  I was actually awoken by the sound of screaming and slamming doors.

So I told them that any toys found outside of their bedrooms would be thrown away.  I told them that they weren’t allowed to sit on the couch anymore (monkeys aren’t allowed on the couch).  I moved the cat’s food and water back into the kitchen and I put towels on the corner of their bedroom doors so that they couldn’t slam them.  I made them pick up the cereal and that’s what they had for breakfast.

I’m tired already.  So much for picking my battles.

It has come to my attention that I can not leave the boys alone with Aaron for five minutes.  Or three hours and thirty minutes; long enough for me to take a nap.  I didn’t intend to sleep so long but I went to bed at 3:30 AM and then Naner woke me up at 7:00 AM and I was just so very tired. 

Anyway, your honor, I present my evidence to the people.

Exhibit A:

After waking up from my nap, I proceeded directly into the bathroom, whereupon I discovered hair in the sink.  That is when I noticed that Naner had tried to shave his own head. 

Exhibit B:

Also, the state of Naner and Sasquatch’s rooms has been condemned due to a “freak tornado” which only struck their rooms.  I have called in a state of emergency to the town council.

Exhibit C and D:

After ascertaining there were no survivors in the wreckage of their bedrooms, the boys then informed me that they were hungry because they were not, in fact, fed a nutritious lunch.  Instead, the accused gave them ice cream.

Exhibit E:

As you can see in Exhibit F, the accused, also known as Daddy, exhibits no remorse for his negligent actions.

Today has been a weird day.  I spent a lot of it sleeping due to the fact that I’m not feeling good.  In fact, Aaron and the boys are also sick.  I took the boys to the doctor on Friday and I was told that it was just allergies, although I also had an ear infection so I was the only one to get antibiotics.  He told me to just give the boys the OTC allergy medicine.  Aaron started feeling like crap on Saturday.  I think it’s more than just allergies but the boys haven’t been running a fever like Aaron and I have.

I managed to get all of the laundry done and cleaned the house yesterday, despite not sleeping well the night before.  I went over to Randy’s on Friday to play D&D with him and Robbie but I ended up leaving early because I was running a fever.  When I finally checked my temperature it was around 100.8 but I know it had to have been higher while I was at Randy’s.  I was freezing, despite the high temperature and spent the evening covered in a blanket and wearing a sweater.

My mom was supposed to come over on July 4th but she woke up with a sore throat.  She spent 4 days with us last weekend and she probably caught it from us – allergies my butt!  I had planned to cook out but it rained all day, so I didn’t feel like messing with the grill.  We were going to save the fireworks for Sunday but around 10:15 PM we heard our neighbors setting off fireworks so we got the boys up to go shoot ours.

Rambling…

Anyway, so today has been weird.  I’ve been feeling very angry and resentful towards certain people in my life lately.  I don’t understand why people who say they care about me have been doing and/or saying the things they have been doing/saying.  When I ask for an explanation the situation gets turned around to sound like it’s my fault that I’m being treated this way.  And then I get mad at myself for letting them get away with it because I’m afraid it will make the situation worse.  I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them. 

Then I have to stop and wonder if my sudden resentment and anger is a result of the progesterone that I’ve been taking for the past week.

I don’t want to loose these people in my life but when I think about what is going on, I wonder if they are really worth it.

Sitting at the computer in my panties.  I didn't drink that much.  Well.  A bottle of TGIFriday's White Russian.  Which is only .10% alcohol.  And one shot of vodka.  In coke.  meh.  we played Rock Band.  Aaron played with me.  And then we had sex.  For a long time.  Yes!

I'm not that drunk.  Although I probably am.  Yep.  I am.  I'll probably delete this in the morning.  Or not.  Cause it's kind of funny.  I'm actually waiting for Aaron to yell at me for typing.  He's sleeping.  He's not said anything yet.

So yeah about the programming thing.  I've wanted to learn for a while.  But after the Codestock thing, I want to learn even more.  Cause chick programmers are rare.  And I want to be cool like that.  Plus chick developers are smart.  And I think I'm pretty smart.  I think I'd be decent at it.  I like design better but no jobs here in Indy for that.  Not that I'm getting a job anytime soon.

I want to go back to school.  Like now.

Rachel!  I just wanted to see if you're noticing me.  Cause you're the only person who comments on my blog.

bleh.

I'm going to go read until I'm tired. bye.

Oh my god.  Darth Vader and a unicorn.  My life is complete now.

I'm a gonna go eat some chicken.